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Senior
police officers at Lothian and Borders confessed themselves "baffled"
last night at the removal of £120K from force coffers.
The
Chief Constable has called for an investigation after a team of
brand-management consultants simply walked into force HQ and walked
out later with a cheque for £120K in their well-tailored pockets.
"We
can't explain how it happened" the clearly confused top polisman
told The JT.
"We called in the consultants because we thought it might be
nice to have a new logo, I can't remember why now but anyway, we
now have a new logo and corporate slogan and appear to have spent
£120K. It's a mystery."
CCTV
footage of the crucial time period shows the brand consultants addressing
a meeting of senior police officers and "workshopping"
some brand identity concepts and running an idea up a metaphorical
flagpole in the hope someone present might be sufficiently moved
to salute it.
Footage
clearly shows senior officers being invited by the consultants to
"think outside the box" and avoid trying to "nail
jelly to the ceiling". "To be honest" the chief constable
confessed "It would never have occurred to me to try and nail
jelly to the ceiling before this meeting and neither would I have
reflected overlong on the inadvisability of attempting to herd cats
but you live and learn, or maybe you don't…"
Along
with a new logo that incorporates the name of the organisation along
with what appears to be a section of chess board attempting to mate
with a pill box, the force is now also in possession of a new corporate
slogan.
The
more traditional "Right sunshine, you're lifted!" is replaced
with a more customer-facing "Work with us".
It
is thought that the new slogan will elicit the traditional response
from the force's (ahem) "customers".
Something
along the lines off "get yer haunds aff me ye bastarding polis,
ah've no done nuhing so ah huvnae."
Quoted
in The Scotsman, a less senior polisman employed by Lothian and
Borders said: "Senior officers say they want us to have a more
distinct corporate identity. But we already have an identity - we
are the police, we wear a uniform everyone recognises."
It is
thought that this naïve take on corporate branding derives from
the junior officer's complete inability to "understand the intricacies
of corporate branding in an increasingly complex operating environment"
and so on and so forth, 'til the cheque clears. |
