White stag "freaking out" normal stags

While animal lovers reacted with delight last week following the filming of a rare white stag, other stags in the area aren't too pleased.

A spoksantler for the "normal" stag population told The JT: "This weird stag just turned up one day and started following the rest of us around. He's totally freaking us out."

There has been widespread speculation among the local stag population as to what exactly the newcomer is: "we thought at first he might be some kind of ghost stag 'cause one day he just like vanished into the mist. But then he reappeared, because that's all he had done - got hidden by some mist."

It is thought the white stag actually represents a relatively rare form of genetic mutation, leading to the odd pigmentation - but the information is of little comfort to the other nervous ruminants: "Genetic mutation? That's like he's the result of some mad experiment right? Fuck it, I'm out of here."

The John Muir Trust has filmed the rare white stag but is keeping the actual location secret for fear of poachers killing the rare animal.

Our deer source remarked : "we're giving white bread a day to beat it or I'm on the phone with the map reference."

"Look! Will you just stop following us and fuck off!"

Inside: The Simpsons. Homer on being told an Albanian boy is to visit responds thusly: "What, so he has like white hair and pink eyes?"

February 2008

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