| With
high winds again closing the existing Forth Road Bridge this week,
The Scottish government defended its choice of a new bridge, promising
that the proposed crossing would offer travellers fresh opportunities
in not-going-anywhereness.
The
choice of design of the new crossing has already caused raised theodolites
amongst the engineering community - basically because it was chosen
purely on grounds of cost. One source told The JT: "until seeing
the artist's impression of the new bridge I wasn't aware that Poundstretcher
had started doing road bridges. You live and learn."
The
new bridge, which appears to be held up by pairs of tweezers does
have its defenders however, despite looking like it wouldn't survive
an unkind word far less hurricane force winds. Step forward Minister
for Everything John Swinney.
Speaking
exclusively to The JT, the bespectacled one sought to reassure the
travelling public:
"With the new bridge in place, supplementing the existing crossing,
drivers can be assured that in the near future, when high winds
batter in, that there will be two bridges closed to traffic instead
of the existing one. That will represent a 100% increase in bridges
that you can't actually use, a pretty impressive statistic, I'm
sure you'll agree…"
I
mean, look at it - it's fucking rubbish isn't it?
And
in (arf) "breaking" news, the squinty bridge over the
Clyde is closed to all traffic after a cable went ping. Unfortunately
for Glasgow Council, the main contractor on the project, Hughie's
Dead Good Bridges no longer appears to be trading from his usual
site at The Barras, and naebdie's seen him for weeks so they huvnae...
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