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Scottish Secretary Des Browne was in town this week assuring the waiting
media that no Labour ministers north or south of the border will resign
anytime soon.
Concern
had been raised following the high profile departure of the perma-tanned
Welsh Secretary Peter Hain following a less than glowing Electoral
Commission report on £100K that had unaccountably " been
resting"* in Mr Hain's ill-fated deputy leadership campaign
account. The in no way jumped-before-he-was-pushed Mr Hain told
The JT: "I intend to fight to clear my name and exchange details
of the latest developments in sunbed technology with Tommy Sheridan."
Des,
who in his spare time also runs the Ministry of Defence,(or the
"Ministry of Unprovoked Attack", as the department is
known in Iraq) was confident that Hain's exit would mark the last
in a series of funding-related collection of jotters at the gate.
"If,
for example, someone, say like Wendy Alexander felt the need to
resign over her funding worries, then that might generate what we
strategists term a "domino effect" resulting in the deputy
leader of the Westminster PLP having to resign. That would be a
bad thing. If, however, Wendy decides for reasons completely not
related to that £950 that she wishes to spend more time with
her family and/or collection of unreadable essays on economic theory
then I for one would not stand in her way."
It
is thought that Mr Browne will now turn his singular and uncanny
powers of prediction to the more pressing and valuable matter of
divining the sequence and identity of the six winning numbers in
this week's National Lottery and conveying the intelligence under
plain cover exclusively to the editor of The JT.
Some
confusion has been caused in Scotland this week over the use of
The Cold War era metaphor "domino effect." A clearly puzzled
local source asked : "Is that like when you've eaten a 12inch
wan wi' aw the shite oan it and you cannae move fur two 'oors?"
No.
Des
Browne: his crystal balls not pictured
Peter
Hain: well, at least he'll never look embarrassed
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