newlogo7.jpg (12267 bytes)

 

Salt spoilsports set scrimping sodium safety standards so spoiling savouring severely sautéed spud scran*

A council has urged local chip shops to cut back on the salt they put on chips after a survey found huge discrepancies in the amounts being used. Falkirk Council tested 25 chip shops in the area and found that just one bag of chips could account for more than half the daily recommended dose of salt.
Health experts currently advise that no more than 6g of salt should be consumed per day.
BBC News OL, 28th January, 2008.

Too much salt? On chips?

There's no such thing.

  • Salt on chips is necessary to counterbalance the eye-watering impact of proper chip vinegar on the back of the throat
  • A nanosecond: the time between highly attractive, if a tad oily, serving person asking if you want salt and vinegar on your supper and dumping said condiments on said supper anyway.
  • Go on, have more salt, you could get hit by a bus tomorrow.
  • Salt: scientifically proved to be better for you than those white things in jars suspended in some kind of embalming fluid that only really seriously pissed punters buy oot of the chippy. No one but a drunk buys pickled eggs.
  • "6g" of salt? What's that in real money?
  • In Edinburgh chippies, posh punters ask for"organic sea salt and just a drizzle of balsamic please"
  • In Falkirk chippies, proletarian punters just point and grunt
  • In Weegie chippies, the punters just help themselves

Inside:
Take away tales.
This is true. A guy I knew emigrated from Scotland to Vancouver and returned to his home town some years later. After enjoying a refreshing sherbet or six, he made his way to a local kebab shop of his prior acquaintance to sample the delight of whatever the fuck that meat stuff is that goes into a kebab. The following conversation 'twixt kebab guy and the prodigal son ensued:

Kebab guy : Ah, Christ how are ye? We huvnae seen you in here fur a while.
Prodigal son: Aye, I emigrated to Vancouver a few years back, this is my first time back hame since.
KG: Vancouver? Get away! Is it alright is it?
PS: Och Aye, its alright I suppose.
KG: Oh right then. Usual is it?
PS: Aye, that'll be fine, aye.

NB: Only genetic Scots or people who've lived in Scotland for aeons will understand why the foregoing is funny. For non-Scots an explanation of why the foregoing is funny can be found at: www.wikipedia.org/wiki/whytheforegoingisfunny
*Winner of the Golden Sheep Of Ballater, Alliterative Headline Award, 2008

January 2008

New news   Recent news    Contact