I hope Santa was good to you. God, it was a long time ago, Xmas,
wasn't it? Were now thankfully finally at the scrag end of January,
a month that slips in through your front door mercilessly exploiting
the warm fraternal glow of Hogmanay then overstays its welcome by
about twenty eight days. January: what a bastard.
Before I get into the bit you're actually interested in, I should
mention that we've started using Google Analytics which allows us
to track where visits are coming from. Unfortunately the technology
doesn't give us really useful information like the visitor's actual
address, when they're going out and what plant pot has got the house
key under it. However it does tell us what city the visitor lives
in. So, with that in mind, if the visitor from Baltimore could see
their way clear to letting me have the 3rd series of The Wire I'd
be must grateful. Having watched the first two stunning runs of
this show, I'm now convinced there's a market for "Wire"
themed weekend breaks to Baltimore, with tours of convenient re-up
locations conducted by Bubbles…
Just a couple of shareable morsels this time. First up, a smutty
snippet send in by Peter fae Ontario. Last time I used one of Pete's
bits I mistakenly located him near or in Toronto. Peter subsequently
pointed out in as tactful way as possible that he actually bides
in Thunder Bay, a hamlet not especially well blessed for a daily
commute into Hogtown being some 18 hours drive from said. Sorry.
Anyway, back to the smut….
As
Peter remarks, "strong forehand required."Tut, tut.
Staying
with Canada, (and who wouldn't want to stay there? Lovely place,
great people. Like us really, but with bigger cars) here's a list
of location identifiers for Canucks, shared by my sister who lives
there.
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May,
you may live in Canada.
If
someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't
work there, you may live in Canada
If
you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in
Canada.
If
you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed
a wrong number, you may live in Canada.
If
'Vacation' means going anywhere south of Muncie for the weekend,
you may live in Canada.
If
you measure distance in hours, you may live in Canada.
If
you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you
may live in Canada.
If
you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back
again, you may live in Canada.
If
you can drive 90 kms/hr through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard
without flinching, you may live in Canada.
If
you install security lights on your house and garage but leave both
unlocked, you may live in Canada.
If
you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them,
you may live in Canada.
If
you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit,
you may live in Canada.
If
the speed limit on the highway is 80km --you're going 90 and everybody
is passing you, you may live in Canada.
If
driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled
with snow, you may live in Canada.
If
you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and
road construction, you may live in Canada.
If
you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you may live
in Canada.
If
you find 2 degrees 'a little chilly', you may live in Canada."
And loath as I am to concede that other people are
funnier than me, I liked this Kevin Keegan gag from a satire rag,
The
Daily Fortnight.
You can go and look at it but don't you dare decide never to visit
me again.
I couldn't bear it.
Finally, I know, I know, you've probably seen it already …
but Will Ferrell's run in with "The Landlord" (aka Pearl)
is one of the funniest and beautifully sweet clips I saw last year.
If you have seen it before, watch it again. If you haven't, just
enjoy it.
