Fir Hill fur thrills, Fir Park fur mud : marketing opportunity ahoy!

With Motherwell FC struggling to play any football this season on the ploo'd park that is their ground, Club chairman, John Boyle may have come up with a way out.

Jet-setting John has prevailed upon his airline, Zoom, to come up with an innovative solution. One that will see the town of Motherwell race up the tourist destination of choice ranking from its current position - just behind two weeks in self-catering yurts in Kazakhstan.

"I visited Los Angeles recently and they have this thing called the La Brea Tarpits, an Ice Age site that attracts millions of visitors each year. Given the state of the pitch at Fir Park all we need to do is stick in a couple of dinosaurs and we're minted."

It is thought that the unplayable conditions at Motherwell are an increasing cause for concern. Only last week the groundsman went out to paint up the lines and he completely disappeared, with only his cap left showing above ground.

If planning permission is approved, it is hoped that as early as next year, Zoom aircraft, laden with American tourist,s could be winging their way to Glasgow airport before heading off down the M74 to Motherwell.

Mr Boyle is convinced that this initiative will increase the numbers of reasons to visit Motherwell by 100%: from the current disappointing nane to one.

Fir Park, yesterday

Fir Park, sometime soon

Inside : This is true. Someone of my acquaintance once had reason to pass through the Lanarkshire wasteland that is Motherwell and stopped to buy a paper. The newsagent, engaging our informant in conversation remarked " I've been all around the world, and there's naewhere like Motherwell."
A statement, which manages to be undeniably true, yet profoundly depressing all at the same time.

March 2008

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