| Cardinal
Keith O'Brien, heid bummer of The One Truth Church in Scotland, has
called on Labour MPs to be allowed a free vote in the upcoming embryology
bill going through Westminster.
The
cardinal, apparently a world authority on the topic, has decided
that the bill would allow experiments that will result in the creation
of Frankenstein monsters, which must come as news to those silly
scientists who previously thought the stem cell research might help
advance the search for cures to trivial complaints like Motor Neurone
Disease and Alzheimer's.
A
boffin contacted by The JT confessed to being puzzled :"I must
confess I'm puzzled. In all the academic literature on stem cell
research I've never come across papers advocating the creation of
Frankenstein-style monsters which would clump about in big boots
going "Rawr! I must have missed that bit."
It
is thought that The Cardinal's measured intervention marks the latest
contribution in religion's stellar contribution to the search for
scientific understanding. Any day now, the Vatican will reluctantly
concede the existence of gravity and embrace the previously heretical
position that every snowflake is different and God did not, in point
of fact, make those little green apples.
Surprisingly
in all of this, Alex Salmond has not taken a public position. The
SNP's leader, who is usually first in the queue when a microphone
is available, is keeping quiet on this one. His silence is thought
go be in no way related to the SNP current strategy of cosying up
to religious nutters of every stripe if there might be a vote or
money in it.
Current
religious confusion over reproductive chemistry is thought to derive
from a too literal reading of the canonical statement embodied in
a work of cinema, The Meaning of Life, wherein the following sentiment
is expressed in song:
"You
don't have to be a six footer,
You don't have to have a great brain,
You don't have to have any clothes on,
You're a Catholic the moment Dad came…"
It
is thought that while watching this movie in the cinema, Cardinal
O'Brien was the only one in the audience who nodded in agreement
at this point…
If
Gordon Brown caves in and allows a free vote on this bill, it is
likely that religious nutters will insist on a free vote on another
bill upcoming: you know, the one about not allowing religious nutters
the right to enforce their will on the lives of the rest of us.
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