Hi there chuckle chums, yeh, I know,
it's been a while. But I’ve still had mega problems with the car (Yeh right, like you
care) and I’ve been snowed under with paid work doing a survey with nurses who care
for people with dementia. Based on that experience I’ve decided that when I’m
Dictator Of All The World I’m going to pay nurses a hundred, million quid. A week.
Each.Anyway, what’s been going on? On the domestic political front,
our politicians have been at pains to assure us that they care a lot. Jack’s promised
(ahem) "enquiry "into why the Holyrood building has somewhat overrun on the cost
front is an intriguing prospect. Jack, don’t bother with an enquiry, I’ll give
you the reason at a cost of no pounds. Number of MSPs 136, Number of MSPs with a degree in
civil engineering, 0. QED.
And what about that "controversial" SNP party broadcast, showing an
old bloke fading away as he awaits medical treatment? I’m waiting for the sequel, you
know the one. Where a geeky guy in glasses fades away as he realises he’s never going
to be First Minister. Tragic but a good laugh nonetheless.
Talking of good laughs, what are we to make of dear old David McLetchie,
fighting an election with a new party competing for the geriatric torn-faced vote.
Apparently this People’s Alliance lot wanted to call themselves something else but
another group has first dabs on Monster Raving Loonie Nazis. Tough.
And then there’s Jim Wallace. He’s got such a punchable face
hasn’t he? Jim looks like a composite of every be-braided blazered head boy that ever
was, complete with a book of photos of himself through the years. At least Charles Kennedy
takes a drink.
As I write this, the war in Iraq seems to be winding down and I’m sure
we’re all properly grateful when Lewis Moonie assures us that the search for Weapons
of Mass Destruction will take quite a while. I’m puzzled by this. Surely all that
needs done is to check the delivery note records of the US arms industry to find the
stuff. And what’s the story with this OAP Jay Garner? Was it a tossup between the
Iraq gig or meetin’ an’ greetin’ at Walmart?
Meantime, the war, if nothing else, has proved the efficacy of what we marketing
people, call "horizontally integrated industry". That’s where we supply the
bomb that maims the Iraqi kid and then supply the artificial arms so the kid can enjoy
what’s left of a life bereft of family.
This madness reminds me of that old gag, you know the one. What do you get when
you cross a Rottweiler with Lassie the wonder dog? A dug that bites the shit out of you
than runs for help...Ah yes, if only real life was as funny…
The Editor, The JT, April 2003.
