| Residents of Papa Stour (pop: 20)
were divided this week over the plans of one resident to open a drug rehab centre on the
godawful lump of rock somewhere west of Shetland. The island, which has
suffered population meltdown over the years has attracted some English settlers recently,
who, in a spirit of Christian brotherhood have found something to fall out about.
One local source told The JT: "What with only 20-odd humans spread out over
acres of scree, the traditional neighbour disputes weren’t open to the protagonists,
since the size of Leylandii hedges, barking dogs and loud music weren’t a
torn-facedness inducing option. Thank God, |
someone’s come up with
something we can all get huffy about." The details of the dispute
are too long and tedious to recount here, but it is likely the whole thing will end badly.
Already, locals are reported building a giant, torn-faced wicker man and the islanders now
await the arrival of an Edward Woodward lookalike so they can burn the shit out of him
while dancing about in a carnal manner.
Press coverage of the neighbour dispute is likely to trigger an influx of new
blood i.e. people who want to get away from it all, contributing to a vibrant community
that likes nothing better than moaning its tits off. |
