| The entire population of
Australia is expected to claim political asylum in the UK over the next year or so.
That’s the shock prediction as news broke this week that Helen Liddell, filament
haired beauty and close relative of Uncle Joe is to be made High Commissioner of The Land
Down Under. It is thought that the prospect
of gimlet-eyed Helen of Croy stepping off the plane at Melbourne and looking ‘round
for something to fuck up has left Aussies reeling and reaching for their passports. It is
understood that Helen, famously cruelly underemployed during her tenure as Scottish
Secretary, is unlikely to confine her antipodean duties to the usual round of cocktail
parties and getting pissed on other people’s money. |
As befits an archaic
hangover from colonial days, it is thought that Helen will use her imperial powers to
immediately collectivise agriculture, purge left-oppositional counter revolutionary
traitors and invade Tasmania. The honour bestowed on the flaxen-haired one has
absolutely nothing to do with John Reid looking for a new sinecure when his parliamentary
seat goes poof and disappears at the next election.
Instead, the Australian posting is seen as
the logical solution to the need to locate Helen as far away as is geographically possible
and with moon landings still someway off, Aussieland was the next best bet. |
