| Boffins charged with the
decommissioning of the Caithness-Centred Accident Waiting To Happen, Dounreay this week
revised their estimates of the necessary time-scale. The decades will now just fly by on
the news that they expect to be finished 15 years earlier than planned, due mainly to
advances in nuclear waste disposal technology.
A spokesisotope told The JT: "We’re actively exploring applying Just In Time
technology, which in this case, involves digging a fuckin’ great big hole, filling it
with various glowly-related fissionable materials and then legging it just in time."
The accelerated timetable for the project will not however result in a downward
revision of the multi-squillion quid cost of cleaning up the nuclear faecal matter. |
"Due to secret sums
only we know how to do, the cost of returning the area to (ahem) ‘normal’ works
out at exactly the same as before. But we can promise that we won’t be suddenly
asking for more public money in ten years from now. We’ll be doing that sometime next
week." Elsewhere on planet energy, opponents of a wind farm project somewhere in
teuchterland claimed this week that the turbines would give off some ultra-low vibration
that would cause illness.
Strangely, in the Low Countries, which have used wind turbines for decades, no records
have been found of turbine-related boalkiness, but this is probably down to the Dutch
being out of their face 24/7 on skunk. |
