| Glasgow based procurator
fiscal Scott Pattison is to turn his back on the law to pursue his love of music. The
touchingly naïve guitarist Mr Pattison intends to take his band "December" on
tour, with Glasgow venues featuring. Scott, who must’ve have put away a few weegie
neds during his time at the bar, has perhaps yet to fully think through the ramifications
of this career move, as The JT's resident gig security consultant Arnie Gettinin now
explains: "Imagine an audience full of felonious neds with a grudge against someone.
Then imagine putting the object of the grudge up on a stage, under a spotlight. Do you
really need this spelt out?"
And certainly neds The JT might have spoken
to this week if this was a real news story rather than just a grossly over-extended excuse
for a |
couple of weak gags,
agreed that Scott will be taking his life in his hands taking to the stage in Glasgow:
"Pit it this way" one imaginary source told The JT, "Me and ma pals will be
arriving at his gig after having consumed at least six cans of super each, so it’s a
fair bet it’ll no be plaudits he’ll be getting showered with." Contacted
by the JT, Scott now accepts that he hadn’t thought through the dreadful implications
of his previous plans for stardom: "I can now see that to avoid a series of severe
doings, a name change might be in order so I’ve decided to call the band
"February", oh hang on, I shouldn’t have told you that should I? I’ll
call it "March" instead, oh hang on..."
And so on and so forth in a series of infinite regressions. |
