| Strathclyde polis were
put on full alert this week, when it emerged that Brandon Osmond, son of celebrity
squawker Donny was working in a charity shop in Rutherglen. Brandon, in training as a
Mormon missionary, will be resident in Rutherglen for an undisclosed period leading to
police concerns over public safety.
A HQ spokesplod told the JT: "We’d like to assure the public that we’re
well aware that an Osmond is working in the area and we’re taking the necessary steps
to ensure the public’s legitimate security concerns are being addressed." |
The polis have put the
force’s Armed Response Unit on full alert, with armed officers shadowing the young
Osmond’s every move. "The public can rest assured that if Mr Osmond makes any
move to pick up a guitar, turn on a mike or take a deep breath just prior to singing then
his tea will be well and truly oot." It is thought that in the micro-second
between Mr Osmond assaying the first few bars of "Puppy Love" and the
sniper’s bullet terminating his mortal existence, a number of musical notes might
escape into the environment. "We would ask locals to quickly stick fingers in ears
and go Lah, Lah, Lah, just like when Mull of Bloody Kintyre comes on the radio." |
