| Six weeks into the smoking embargo affecting the nation’s
howffs, and publicans report that drink sales have increased despite the nae-nicotine
rule. Top boffins at Dundee Yooni have however come up with a plausible explanation as,
rather inevitably, Professor Beaker now explains with the aid of a PowerPoint presentation
that actually works, for once.
"As you can see from this first slide, it's a well known fact, known by me at
least, that when ingestion of one drug is restricted, the addict will increase ingestion
of another, compensating drug. Clearly, people are drinking more alcohol to compensate for
a concomitant shortage of nicotine. As this next slide shows. |
Oh hang on. The screen’s went funny. I’ll just have to
re-boot it, talk among yourselves." As it was likely that it would take Beaker
hours to get the PowerPoint thing to start working again, The JT took to the streets of
Dundee to canvass local opinion.
With a multitude of dives to choose from, we interviewed Dundonian drinkers in the
safest way - by megaphone, from inside the car with the engine running.
Dundee street life , 18th
Century |
One broad-shouldered, bearded drinker, displaying a cornucopia of
hand-inked tattoos told The JT :"I certainly find that my desire for a cigarette
diminishes after a few drinks - mainly because after the fifteenth pint I black out. But
maybe that’s just me, why don’t you ask my husband as well?" But,
instead, with night falling , and the sound of drums already echoing through the darkening
Dundonian streets as the local zombies awoke ready to feed, your editor made his excuses
and fled.
Dundee
street life, last Friday night. |
