But then I thought, "fuck it.. why not?"

The highly informative, cut-out-and-then-throw-at-the-TV-screen-if-bloody-England-win guide presented below is therefore the product of my fuckitis.

Strip rating: Red, black and white job. OK in that sort of slightly psycho South American way. No, I’ve no idea what I meant by that last remark either.

Grudges against England: None that I could find, might need to content ourselves with a generalised Latin American dislike of the gringo.

Chance of ideologically acceptable result: slim

 15^th June 2006, Nuremberg:  "Land Of Mordor Select" v Trinidad and Tobago

National Anthem:

"Forged from the Love of Liberty
in the Fires of Hope and Prayer
with boundless faith in our destiny
We solemnly declare
Side by Side we stand
Islands of the blue Caribbean Sea
This our native land
we pledge our lives to thee
Here every creed and race find an equal place
And may God bless our nation."

Strip rating: mainly red with a bit of white striping. Slightly reminiscent of the clobber some Scottish Juniors mob might wear sponsored by "Draught-Gone Double-Glazing of Inversneckie".

Useful grudges against England: on the plus side, T and T was forged out of the struggle against slavery so any sight of Union Jacks being waved about should wind up the T and Ts. On the negative side, it takes a lot to wind up T and Ts.

Chance of ideologically acceptable result: slim, but just possible .

20^th of June, Cologne:  Sweden v "Oh Christ, not them again"

National Anthem:

"You ancient, free and mountainous North,
Of quiet, joyful beauty,
I greet you, loveliest land on earth,
Your sun, your sky, your green meadows."

Strip rating: Mainly yellow on the top, mainly blue on the shorts. Think IKEA bag with extra holes.

Useful grudges against England: There must be something, surely.