| The Scottish Parliament is facing
an enormous bill to rectify faults in the Assembly Rooms electronic voting system after
delegates attending the Church of Scotland annual blab fest shorted the system out by
pressing all the wrong buttons. Parliament staff
could only look on in horror earlier last week as numerous costumed clerics descended on
the up-graded building, swinging 'round in MSPs' chairs and wondering "what this
button does."
Father Dougal style antics resulted in the whole electronic
system crashing and returning MSPs can expect several months of delay while the system is
re-built. The Moderator claimed that he had seen nothing of the vandalism because he was
looking the other way at the time. |
Meanwhile, delegates accepted a
resolution outlining the Church's humane and rational approach to homosexuality. Employing
the latest statistical techniques the Church will now operate with a benchmark system in
assessing the worth of human relationships. Heterosexual
marriage with two kids, a semi-detached in Bearsden, a Mondeo and at least two supermarket
loyalty cards will score a perfect 10. On this reckoning, gay relationships judged against
the "Normality Meter" will score about a 7.
A spokesman for the Church said, "We want to send out
a clear message to the gay community that we love and respect them and that we think
they're nearly, but not quite, as good as normal people." |
