| With the news that eight towns in
Fife are to be blanketed with CCTV cameras, the JT can exclusively reveal the source of
the funding. "I admit it. It's true, Christ in heaven. How did you find out?"
– that was the response from Fife’s Chief Constable when the JT revealed that
the funding for the initiative comes not from the police budget but from a top secret fund
tasked with establishing if there is in fact any intelligent life in Fife.
Top boffins intend studying the video footage from various Fifular hell-holes hoping to
detect any indication that life has evolved beyond the single-cell life forms currently
believed to roam the arid wastelands of Glenrothes and er, the other one, where they make
lino. |
A spokesradioarray told the JT:
"We admit, it’s a long shot. In truth, there is probably more chance of finding
more complex lifeforms in an Airdrie kebab. But we have to try, goddammit we have to
try," he concluded, a tad melodramatically. The project is seen as very much a
long term undertaking as Professor Beaker explains; "It's very much a long term
undertaking. As anyone who has ever been in Cupar will attest, it might be millennia
before we detect movement that suggest intelligent life. Unfortunately, jumping up and
down while making whoo-whoo noises doesn’t count." |
