People living in Shettleston, well known leader in the WeegieTown deprivation stakes now face having to find the cash themselves to replace luxury items like sodden carpets and soaked through fripperies like cookers and heaters.

Council spokesbastard Mr Gradgrind explained helpfully:"It's their own fault on two grounds. First, being stupid enough to live in Shettleston and second, not having bought house contents insurance."

How most residents dependent on the Nat King Cole and Housing Benefit were meant to find the disposable income to pay for insurance was unhelpfully not explained in official pronouncements.

There is however light at the end of the tunnel for at least some of the ill-dressed locals. Residents on the aforementioned Nat can apply for a Social Fund Loan from the Social to help with buying new stuff. This is similar to the money the taxpayer hands out to the Queen when the odd palace needs a lick of gold leaf - the only trifling difference being that Her Majesticness doesn’t have to pay the money back.

As the JT went to whatever the electronic equivalent of going to press is, there was more bad news elsewhere in Weegietown with the city’s water supply declared unsafe.