You’ve watched every
episode, you’ve put up with more improbable plot twists than in a month of HighRoad.
This week is the last episode. You settle down to watch "24", but then
you’re forcibly and repeatedly reminded: Your granny’s here visiting.10.01pm
"So, whit’s this you’re watching then? "Twenty Four…"
what’s that? Here I cannae see the telly withoot ma glasses. Ah, now, that’s
better. Oh! It's got that black actor laddie in it has it? Oh I like him. He wis in the
picture wi’ oh what was his name? Him that was merriet to yon’ Kathleen Hepburn
wumman. That’s it. Spencer Tracy. Naw, I ken it wisnae him son, Ah’m no’
that glaikit.
In the picture, yon black laddie wanted to merry Spencer Tracy’s daughter,
Sidney Poiter! That’s him! Oh, is it no him? It looks awfy like him. Oh right sorry
son, ah'm keeping ye fae enjoying your programme? I’ll no say another word…
10.15pm: …so I just says, "Twenty five pence For one Tomato?" I
just says, "I don’t care if it's sun blushed hen, it could’ve sun tan
lotion on it, I’m no paying 25p for one tomato." Son. Son. Son! Do
you know how much 25p is in auld money. Aye, that’s right, five shillings..
Anyway, whit’s happening with yon programme. Here, that wee cloak on the
telly says "11.15PM" Here that cannae be right can it? It's no that time already
is it? Oh, I see, it’s a different time on the telly is it?…This is awfy hard to
follow is it no?
10.30pm: ...so yon Jack Bauer laddie he’s trying to protect the senator
against yon Serbian bad yin and get his daughter back and her mither’s going to have
another bairn and yon lassie he wis canoodling wi’ she’s a bad yin an'aw? And
whit aboot yon yin that’s aye oan the ‘phone? The heid yin, he looks a right bad
yin as well. Minds me o’ that maister at oor school. Did I ivver tell you aboot him?
Oh, sorry son, did something important happen just there? That’s me, I’ll no say
another word…
10.45pm:… and ma mither had to go tae the heidie an’ tell him whit a
cruel yin yon maister wis. Course, in they days, the heidie just said if your Maigret got
the tawse she wis probably deservin’ it. No like noo, the young yins just run riot,
Oh here! Whit are they aw’ fightin aboot noo? Yon Bauer laddie’s an awfy man for
shootin’ folk is he no? Honest to God, the violence on the telly these days.
Here, I just cannae follow this programme at aw, I’ll just be away to ma
bed, could you just gie me a haund up? I’m ower stiff. Thanks son, you just get back
watchin’ your programme noo. Oh look, is that it finished? Ach well, I dinnae think
ye missed much, it wis awfy hard to follow was it no?
