| In the fast-moving world of
tourism initiatives designed to con foreigners into visiting Scotland, plans drawn up on
Tuesday last to re-designate the whole of the nation as "Watterwurld" had to be
scrapped by Thursday as a strange ball of fire appeared in the sky. On Tuesday, the
heavens opened big time, extending that attractive Loch motif the length and breadth of
this our own, our native land. The M9 and M8 were immediately re-designated as Venetian
style canals and anyone with an Italian surname was enlisted to steer the hastily ordered
gondolas.
Incoming flights to Edinburgh were retro-fitted with pontoons and offloading passengers
had the chance to try out those lifejackets that we all know about but don’t know how
to use, because we never listen to the pre-flight instructions. And ferry passengers,
normally destined for Rosyth, disembarked outside Jenners.
Commuters travelling between Edinburgh and Glasgow
by train had the chance to experience the thrill of a top quality "Water splash"
ride without incurring the cost of travelling to Florida. A party of |
Aberdonians, down visiting
civilisation, insisted on going on again and again until those spoilsports at ScotRail
insisted on closing the line. A JT contact standing out in the pishing rain was moved to
remark: "See this weather? Is it no awfy?"
Just as VisitScotland had completed the re-branding exercise complete with yet another
set of fuckin’ glossy brochures the heavens shut and by Thursday the nation suffered
under the relentless scorching big red thing.
At the BBC Weather Centre, a normally polite Heather the Weather told the JT:
"Fuck it. I give up. As far as predicting Scotland’s weather is concerned your
guess is as good as mine. I’m off to become a pole-dancer in some seedy night
club."
A JT contact standing out in the equatorial conditions was moved to remark: "See
this weather? Is it no awfy?" |
