| With news that Da
Vinci’s "Madonna and The Yarnwinder" has been stolen from Drumlanrig Castle
in the Borders, arts experts are adamant that the stolen work, valued at £30m, will never
appear on the open market. Which makes it even more important to be very wary of a
trackie-bottomed ned who sidles up to you in the pub and says:
"Perfume mate? Guid stuff. Naw? No wantin’ perfume for the missus the night
mate, naw?
Here mate, wait ‘til I show what else I’ve goat in the bag here, See this?
Just wait ‘til I get it aw rolled oot an’ everything. |
That’s fuckin’
braw int it? That’s Da Vinci, by the way. Look at it man, look at that brush work,
you’re witnessing an artist at the height of his powers, so y’uhr. And see
how he uses colour to suggest light? Look at how he produces an unearthly radiance
illuminating Madonna and Child, if there’s a better expression of the Renaissance
marriage of technique and imagination then my name’s no Malky, which it isnae by the
way.
A tenner? Naw man, cannae dae it fur a tenner, Ah’m loking for at least thirty
million furrit. Fifteen? Aye, awright, fifteen then. You sure you’re no wantin’
any perfume?" |
