This week, Douglas
Alexander MP, in his capacity as a Minister in the Cabinet Office, asked humourist Tom
Scott to take down his parody website of the government’s new "Preparing for
Emergencies" campaign. Here, Wendy’s brother explains why he isn’t really a
torn-faced bampot with a sense of humour bypass."Hello, I’m Douglas
Alexander, Scottish MP, Minister of State and Wendy’s brother. There’s been a
lot of ill-informed comment in the press this week following my decision to try and take
down Tom Scott’s parody website.
I’m particularly angry with claims that the action proves that I don’t have
any sense of humour. Nothing could be further from the truth. For example, I well
remember, years ago, Wendy and I leafing through the Labour Party Manifesto for 1983 and
discovering that the authors, on page 24, had used a semicolon when a colon would’ve
been grammatically correct! I can tell you that the Manse fair rocked with mirth that
night!
No one likes a joke more than I do, as anyone who's seen my choice of leisurewear will
readily attest, but really, issues of national security are no laughing matter.
I only ask you to contrast your government’s sensible and measured approach to
scaring the shite out of people with the Tory government’s pamphlet "Protect and
Survive" published way back in 1980.
That pamphlet was an exercise in propaganda designed to bolster support for an
unpopular regime, led by a boss-eyed meglamaniac, fatally wedded to taking the junior role
in US imperial adventurism and consequently putting the security of the world at risk,
while our pamphlet… er, hang on, I’ve just thought that one through,
forget I said anything.
Just to bring you up to date, the very helpful and rational booklet will be posted out
in August. The Scottish edition will differ slightly from the English and Welsh editions
in minor respects, mainly in terms of design.
The Scottish version will be delivered by post, already scrunched up, so it’ll
take less time for the householder to derisively mutter "Loadapish" and consign
said missive to the nearest convenient bucket.
Finally, let it never be said that this government doesn’t listen to the people.
In fact, we’re taking steps to listen to the people right now.
It’s amazing, it really is, what you can do with technology these days. As ably
demonstrated by that little bit of software you’ve unwittingly downloaded just now
which creates a feed from your phone-line direct to our security services.
Sleep well.
