"When
world-famous director Werner Herzog revealed he was tackling the mystery of Nessie, there
was huge interest but questions about how even he could deliver any surprises.
In the event, Herzog has astounded critics by creating an apparently straightforward
documentary that transforms into something closer to a psychological horror movie every
bit as complex and compelling as the myth itself.
Such was Herzog’s desire to stretch the boundaries of fact and fiction that many of
the people involved in the project, all of whom ‘played’ themselves, believed
right up to the end they were filming a documentary." Scotland on Sunday, 15th
October, 2004.Ah, but not everyone at Loch Ness was in the dark…
"Oh, of course, as the raison d’etre for the whole exercise, Herzog
approached me through my dry-land-based agent. But Herzog’s like "Vee are only
making eine leetle documentary, ve haff no money to pay acting fees." And I’m
like, yeh right, like I hadn’t seen Fitzcarraldo.
Listen, I don’t even get out of my watery lair for any less than 2 mill upfront,
8% of the gross and an equity split on the residuals. Go see his "documentary"
if you want, but any "sightings" of Nessie will be some schmuck in a rubber suit
and flippers going "grr" and not this artiste. |
I mean, I may or not be
a 25 foot long evolutionary survival from the age when dinosaurs ruled the Earth, but do I
look stupid to you? Just ask all those, ahem, "scientists" who trawl the waters
of the Loch if they’ve ever seen me. No pay, no play, that’s the first rule in
this business. Like my agent, Manny, says, "Who even remembers so-called film
stars like Jimmy Nail and John Hannah these days?" Listen, overexposure in this
business kills your career stone dead and what are you left with? I’ll tell you, VOs
on catfood commercials, that’s what you’re left with.
But listen, the sub-aquatic entrance to my lair is always open. Never say never, right?
I mean if this guy Herzog’s movie really takes off, then what the hell, let his
people talk to my people about the sequel . If the money’s right, then who knows?
Obviously I get final say on the supporting cast, maybe we’re talking Halle Berry
as Agnes who runs the tearoom. Maybe Harrison Ford as Jockie the half-daft shepherd with a
terrible secret. I mean, I can be flexible here, I’m an artiste, not a monster.
Listen guys, its been really great talking to you, but do me a favour, close the door
on my trailer real tight when you leave, I don’t want the fish getting
out…" |
