The news this week that
allowing members of the public to speed trap motorists in Strathclyde might pose the
threat of vigilante style behaviour has been discounted by experts who really know us
Scots.Speaking from behind a twitching curtain in his front room, Professor Beaker of
Strathclyde’s Centre For The Study of Sticking Yer Neb In dismisses talk of
"threats":
"A threat? A golden opportunity more like. There’s nothing we Scots like
better than the chance to have a right good dig into other people’s business. Now
you’ll have to excuse me because I’ve just seen a strange man slip into Mrs
McGinlay’s at number 27, and I know for a fact her man’s away working
nights."
Strathclyde police are sanctioning the use of volunteer use of speed guns to trap
limit-bursting car drivers but do worry that things might get out of hands as this handily
available spokesplod now confirms :
"In some of the villages where the scheme has been piloted we’re already
receiving reports of gallows being built, guillotines sharpened and community council
members drawing lots for firing squad duty. While were all for community involvement in
cutting road speeds the civil servant at the Scottish Executive who dreamed this one up
failed to take into account the Scottish predilection for enjoying a right good
hanging."
We asked Professor Beaker for follow-up comment just to finish off this gag, but his
wife said he was too busy recording evidence that Mr Bruce at number 33 has let the tax
disc on his VW run out.
