| With three Scottish towns already
declared runners in the race to secure city status no one is ruling out a late bid coming
from Bonnybridge. Long term resident Hughie McNicol was effusive in praise of his home
town, "It's no quite as pish as folk say it is" he told the JT, "it's quite
good really. There's the shops, there's the library - that's good, there's the pubs and
the welfare and, oh aye, there's the intergalatic refuelling station." When
pressed on the station's physical location, Hughie concedes that only locals can see the
massive edifice. "If anybody from the outside looked then all they'd see would be the
auld bing. Only locals see the massive plasma refuelling gantries, the elaborate network
of navigation beacons and the awesome spectacle of the Saurrarian stargate matrix." |
Scientists contacted by the JT
conceded that natives to Bonnybridge might be blessed with strange powers enabling them to
probe the mysteries of the cosmos but, on the other hand it might just be the side effect
of imbibing the local cocktail - made up of Benylin and Thunderbird with a Temazepam
frosting. Meanwhile, it was confirmed that the Queen herself, in an age
old ritual, will choose the town to be honoured with city status. Her Majesticness will be
approached by the Keeper Of The Shortlist proffering the favoured locations. The Queen
will then glance at the list before handing it back to the expectant lackey with the
immortal command "Like, whatever, dude..." before she returns to leafing through
Punting for Royalty for a decent treble bet on the day's racing. |
