| In the week when Lib Dem uber
slacker Charles Kennedy announced his engagement, experts in civil law in Scotland raised
the prospect of disturbing legal and moral problems that might block the proposed
nuptials. Professor Beaker of Glasgow's Department of Legal
Pronouncements Delivered to Anyone Who'll Listen told the JT: "Under Scots Law,
Charles cannot marry because he's too young." It was then revealed that Mr
Kennedy is, and always will remain, only fifteen.
Professor Beaker explains : "Due to a Faustian bargain situation that Mr
Kennedy negotiated with the Dark Lord, the fresh-faced Charles will be under the age of
consent until the world ends and Satan himself is cast into the The Pit for a 1000
years."
Unusually in these infernal deals Mr Kennedy was not required
to turn over his immortal soul to the Fallen One. Instead, he agreed to live a life of
powerlessness and futility - a decision, Professor Beaker points out, that involved some
tough choices. |
"Most comfortable positions of
utter pointlessness are currently taken by the Royal Family, so thank Christ the Lib Dems
were available as a second option." All is not lost however, because
Mr Kennedy may elect to sprinkle fairy dust over his proposed bride and fly her off to
Never-Never Land where children never grow up and all are ruled by a Lib-Dem government
with a cast-iron majority.
In an other clumsily executed twist executed to shove in another cheap gag, it
was revealed last night that Mr Kennedy keeps a portrait betraying his true degraded
visage in his attic - apparently it’s the spitting image of Jim Wallace. |
