| Edinburgh lay helpless under a
hundred feet of oestrogen last night following news that the bloke off ER, George Clooney,
might just turn up to the Scottish premiere of his new film biography "Too bloody
good looking for his own good, that yin." On the
news breaking, worried partners all over Scotland reported women getting a far away look
in their eyes and going off into a dwam.
Faced with this onslaught on the fancyability rating of
indigenous males, Scotland resounded to the squeaky noise of straws being desperately
clutched at.
A Cistern Three poll among worried Scottish males found
that 100% of the sample agreed with the statement "I'm telling you hen, he's
definitely gay. Everyone in Hollywood knows that." |
A similar proportion agreed
vehemently with the statement: "And anyway, he's as bald as a coot. It’s a
fuckin' wig, I'm telling you, you daft bitch" Reports
late last night that the Kentucky born actor might have Scottish ancestry served to calm
matters somewhat, with Scottish males mollified by the thought that, given the chance,
"Georgie Boy" might just be as big a drunken bampot as the rest of us.
Meanwhile, police in the capital reported canoe loads of
women paddling through the lapping waves of oestrogen along Princes Street with a very
disquieting look on their faces. |
