| Top nadger botherers at Edinburgh
announced this week the introduction of a new contraceptive - and the good news is that
they want Scottish males to try it out. The baby blocker procedure
involves placing hormonal rods "under the skin".
The mad medics conceded that the exact site of the proposed procedure is being
kept deliberately vague at the moment because they don't want to cause undue alarm.
They might be too late, as the entire Scottish male population plan to make
themselves scarce over the foreseeable future. Hurriedly packing his tent, one source told
the JT, "I'm no taking any chances. All that contraception business, that's the
birds' job. Naebody's sticking pins in my wee man, I'll tell you that." |
Elsewhere, a brains trust convened
in the local boozer condemned the use of powerful hormones to chemically emasculate the
male member. Better, the lads standing at the bar argued, to rely on tried and tested
methods for ensuring conception doesn't occur i.e. eight pints of mick and a black pudding
supper. Medics controlling the experiment have anticipated that finding a
Scottish male with any sense of reproductive responsibility would be difficult. "We
did intend originally asking for volunteers, but come on, that was always a
non-starter."
Instead the castration-centred brainboxes intend to use Landrovers to simply
hunt down a carefully selected sample of Scottish males. "We expect to capture
subjects quite easily. Have you ever tried running with your legs crossed?" the cruel
and inhuman boffin concluded while laughing maniacally like a mad person. |
