| Scottish soccer team coach, Craig
Brown announced this week his intention to stand down, expressing a wish to spend more
time in developing piscine soccer metaphors. He told the JT: "After
I made that comment about San Marino being minnows in world soccer terms, it really got me
thinking, has anyone else ever fashioned such a well turned metaphor? I don't think
so..."
Mr Brown continued, "It struck me that here was a talent worth developing.
Is there any other national soccer coach working at the cutting edge of elegant
exposition, cleverly juxtaposing the mechanics of FIFA rankings with the relative size of
fish? Not to the best of my knowledge."
|
Mr Brown revealed that he has
already started in developing an elaborate metaphorical typology of FIFA rankings based on
the size of fish, purchasing the Observer Book of Freshwater Fish to aid his research.
"I would hope to have developed a comprehensive metaphorical basis for comparison by
the time Scotland fail to qualify for the next World Cup." With
time on his hands, Mr Brown will then explore the saltwater species of the world and it is
likely that he will eventually rule on what everyone else already knows: The Scottish
soccer team are a bunch of haddies.
Meanwhile, Scotland's top mathematicians will be called into service to
calculate the massive formulae needed to work out how, if the month's got an R in it, we
might conceivably qualify to play in a tournament, any tournament really, we're not fussy. |
