| The head-doctor community
was left reeling this week as one of their number, Doctor Richard Simpson, was diagnosed
with three separate psychological conditions. Doctor Simpson, who resigned following an
outburst of swearing-based remarks at striking firefighters, has presented with at least
three separate maladies. "In all my years of grey-matter related malky I’ve
never seen anything like it" Professor Beaker of Edinburgh’s It's All in the
Mind Studies told a completely sane JT. "First
off, there’s the uncontrolled swearing - that’s a classic symptom of
Tourette’s syndrome. Then there’s the claim that he was only relating a remark
made to him by a third party - that’s a clear instance of confabulation. Finally, Dr
Simpson said he was too tired (ahem) to remember the context of the remark - that’s
amnesia unless I’m becoming forgetful."
It is thought that if Dr Simpson was not an MSP, he
would be even now enjoying the attentions of a mind-mechanic, safely sectioned under the
Mental Health Act.
It is believed that in his resignation letter to the
First Minister, Dr Simpson cunningly drew on his psychiatric training claiming that while
he did call the firefighters ‘fascist bastards’ he actually meant to call them
‘fat bastards’ seen as a reference to the amount of donated food the strikers
are shoving down their necks on picket line duty.
This so-called Freudian slip defence cut no ice with
Jack McConnell, who has grown used to reshuffling his ministerial team on a weekly basis -
a process that, in times of acute stress, he finds strangely therapeutic. |
