| The government confirmed last week
that the nuclear industry would receive a grant of £4billion to redecorate the Dounreay
nuclear power plant. The grant, unlike say, a Social Fund Loan, will not be means-tested. A
government spokesman explains: "Seemingly that nuclear stuff they make up there is a
wee bit unstable and makes redecorating the place a bit tricky. The money will go to
making the nuclear stuff safe and paying for a nice pale blue emulsion and some new
coving." Asked if officials had any plans to visit the plant, the spokesman replied:
"Aye, so I willnae"
Plant officials confirmed that the site cleanup would employ 2000 people for
ever and ever. "The project confirms that as the nuclear industry is consigned to the
dustbin of history it's still capable of supporting employment at a mere £2m a
head." |
As the plant is decommissioned over
the next fifty years, officials confirmed that areas of the plant, conveniently situated
four hundred miles away from civilisation, will be available for commercial redevelopment.
It is expected that the area will attract small businesses, workshop units and long term
studies in leukaemia clustering. Government sources conceded that
Britain's long term infatuation with horrendously expensive and lethal experiments in
generating energy was "possibly a mistake" and sources are now looking into
supporting alternative energy generation that doesn't involve sheep glowing in the dark.
"We'll look seriously at supporting these developments" a spokesman confirmed,
"Unfortunately, we seem to be down about £4billion at the moment so if anyone's
looking for core funding they should try their building society." |
