| Pausing only to wipe a
compassionate tear away from his sad, empathic and understanding eye, Tory leader Ian
Duncan Smith explained this week why a trip to Easterhouse (visit the website!
wwwfilingcabinetwi’windaes.com.) has completely changed his political philosophy.
Blubbering in a totally convincing manner, Mr Smith told waiting hacks: "In
Easterhouse I saw real poverty. Poverty in material comforts, poverty of ambition and
linguistic poverty too." Mr Smith paused for a moment for full
effect before explaining further, "You see many of the people living on that estate
don’t even speak English. It might be Gaelic or something but what chance have these
people got if they can’t converse?" Mr Smith illustrated his point by recalling
attempting speak to a local in Easterhouse "I said hello and this gentleman replied
with something like gettaefuckyebasturdin’tory, What could he have meant? Perhaps we
shall never know." |
Anyway, as part of the new strategy
to relaunch the Tory Party, the leadership is urging the public to simply forget the past.
One spokesstrategist told the JT: "Basically we’re saying that the Tory Party
which was in power for 18 years has completely changed. We no longer blame the Labour
Party for everything. Now we blame the Labour Government for everything. Anyway, the point
is - just pretend Thatcherism never happened." A strategy, if
medical reports are to be believed, that appears to be working for Mrs Thatcher.
Not to be outdone in the political hairshirt stakes, one MSP, Arthur
Apparatchik, told the JT how the poverty of his youth affected his life plans. "I
looked around at the squalor, the grinding poverty and I thought this isn’t right.
People don’t have to live this… And then I thought, fuck this for a game of
soldiers, I’m off to be an MSP instead…" |
