A shock survey this week reveals
shocking levels of completely non-important worries amongst Edinburgh's wealthier
residents.
The poll, carried out on behalf of the JT by Cistern Three followed earlier ructions this
week in the capital when homeowners in Morningside's Trotter's Haugh demanded the street
be re-named, claiming that the existing monicker was both a bit common and
hard to pronounce.
Cistern Three carried out the survey among a carefully selected sample of people living in
Edinburgh who have too much money, too much time on their hands, obsess continually about
social status and have never given or received a blow-job in their sad, interpersonally
constipated little lives… |
When asked by the pollsters
"Is there anything not especially important you'd like to moan your tits off
about?" 99% of the sample chose to waste everyone's else's time by going on about the
niggling minutae of their curtain twitching existence, wracked by obsessive fixations.
The poll findings confirm what has been long feared: the capital city has now undergone a
complete sense of proportion bypass.
Professor Beaker of Edinburgh's Department of Completely Trivial Studies confirmed the
worst: "In a world wracked by war, disease and famine, only in Edinburgh would
self-obsessed gits worry about the name of their fuckin' street. It's pathetic."
The City Council has however agreed to a name change: "Trotters Haugh" will now
be known as "Anally Retentive Avenue." |
