| The Tory Party promised a root and
branch review of policy late last week following the gubfest that was the election. A
spokesmaddie told the JT: "Clearly, Hague's euro sceptic campaign failed to resonate
with those members of the electorate not yet clinically dead or married to close
relatives. We'll be looking to the future now with our innovative campaign to keep the
brightly coloured glass bead necklace"
Up here, the triumphant Tory success in Galloway and Upper Nithsdale was put
down to the local candidate tailoring his message to the area's farming community.
The new MP told the JT: "Basically I just told
them that they could have as much cash as they wanted, that always works with
farmers." |
John Swinney refused to be
disheartened by the SNP's poor showing. "I said at the start of this campaign that
Scotland needed strong SNP voices at Westminster and we've delivered on that, it's just
that, er, there are fewer strong voices than before." SSP leader
Tommy Sheridan applauded the party's showing in the election amid criticisms that the SSP
had spread themselves too thinly. "This result shows that, in every constituency in
Scotland, the SSP can call on the voting strength of literally dozens of ex-SWP punters.
The ruling class must be crapping themselves."
Scottish Labour announced the release of Helen 'n' Henry's new album, "That
tape recorder is switched off right?"
Mr Hague plans to pursue a career in brewery management wherein he will
regularly fail to organise the requisite piss ups. |
