| As the government takes a
searching look at the structure of business support in Scotland, a Scottish Enterprise
spokesman today claimed that no other economic development agency came close to SE in the
production of glossy brochures. "We've been very careful over the past few years to
work on our key competencies in this area, there's no one else in this field who can touch
us." The spokesman pointed to the publication of
recent strategic documents in the last few months, including "Quick! Henry
McLeish's in the building, everybody look busy!" and the seminal, "Pretend
we know what we're doing for Christ's sake."
The spokesman also noted SE staff were undergoing
continuous training in other areas. "We've just spent another hundred grand of your
money on a bunch of consultants to make us look good." |
Staff had received training in
key presentational areas including:
- Striding around the office with a purposeful air
- Looking knowledgeable while pretending to listen to some IT
geek burble on about bandwidth
- Limiting leave days to a not unreasonable 90 days a year
(not including public holidays of course.)
- Pretending to work late by leaving the lights on in Bothwell
Street.
- Learning by rote at least one management buzz-word a day
"In any case" the spokesman concluded, "If
it all goes pear-shaped I'll just go back to working in the dole office in Shettleston,
I'm a fuckin' civil servant, you can't get rid of me you know." |
