| The JT can exclusively
reveal that Jack McConnell will, next week., declare Ireland a no-hoper in Scotland’s
bid for the Euros in 2008. Mr McConnell, speaking from his
Lanarkshire home told the JT: "It became obvious last week when we floated the idea
of a combined Scottish and Irish bid that public opinion in Scotland thought we were just
taking the piss, since the whole idea was a
complete non-starter."
Mr McConnell accepted that the public might think such a
bid reflected the Scottish Executive’s coolness over the whole notion but Mr
McConnell rejected the claim: "I want to make it clear that we’re 100% behind a joint bid in principle and that’s why I’ll
be going public with the news that Ireland is out of the picture. |
It's obvious
we need an ally more acceptable to UEFA which is why I’m pleased to reveal that our
new partner in the bid will be Planet Thargg." Despite the
fact that Planet Thargg lies 1000 light years away from Earth and its inhabitants
don’t appear to have any legs, Mr McConnell dismissed claims of yet again
trivialising the bidding process: "Listen, if I was really taking the piss, I’d
suggest a joint bid with Wales."
Elsewhere on planet fitba’ it was expected that teutonically-gifted
Bertie Vogts will be confirmed as new
Scotland coach in the very near future. In a touching ceremony, Bertie will view the
seated expanses of Hampden just prior to laying a gigantic beach towel over the entire
Jock Stein stand.
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