| Scottish farmers this week welcomed
moves to keep Euro meat out of Scotland. A spokesteuchter told the JT "We don't want
any of this foreign muck coming in here, it might be infected with BSE and it’s the
job of domestic producers to 'add-value' of that sort to decaying dead mammalian
tissue." Pointing to the nation's world class record in toxic meat
production the rural representative stressed the need for Scotland to maintain its premier
ranking: "When it comes to salmonella and e-coli, no one can touch the Scottish
agribusiness production record in poisoning people."
Pausing only to vomit copiously into a bucket, 95-year old Effie McGowan echoed
the industry's sentiments "To tell you the truth son, I wouldn't want any of yon
foreign gastric bacteria. |
There's nothing I like better than
a guid Scotch pie teeming wi' aw kinds o' microbes. It keeps us auld yins busy lying here
in intensive care hovering between this world and the next… it pits the time in y'
know." The industry in Scotland is launching a supermarket campaign
to raise awareness amongst consumers of the quality of home produced rotting animal
carcasses, featuring two lovable cartoon characters "Sammy Salmonella" and
"Effie E-Coli" comedy representations of microbes swathed in tartan.
In time honoured tradition, the costs of the campaign will be met out of general
taxation because, as we all know, the poor farmers haven't got any money. |
