| The Scottish Executive
reacted decisively this week to concerns over lorry congestion voiced by the residents of
Carnwath. Plagued by juggernauts servicing quarries, the South Lanarkshire locals had
asked that the SE fund road repairs to offset the damage being caused to local routes. In what is being seen as a major departure in the history of
surrealism, the SE has instead gifted £4k to buy hanging baskets for the village.
Professor Beaker of Glasgow’s School of Art hailed the SE’s response as a
"breathtaking exercise in deconstruction".
The offer of hanging baskets, Beaker argues, marks a
radical re-ordering of accepted notions of rationality and marks a complete break with
common sense notions that there is a necessary correspondence between the asking of a
question and its answer.
"Here, the Carnwath residents asked the
question can we have money for road repairs and the SE answered by offering hanging
baskets. The complete lack of connection between the question asked and the answer given
signifies that the radical performance artists in charge of the SE have dispensed with all
bourgeois notions of rationality. It’s all terribly exciting."
A bewildered local told The JT: "Heavy lorries
are destroying our village and the SE give us hanging baskets? The way things are going
there won’t be anything left standing to hang baskets on."
The local struggled for a moment to summon up a
cliched analogy to better illustrate the paucity of the SE’s response, but then
spotted the JT headline above and decided not to bother.
We phoned the SE for a opinion but gave up when the
duty Press Officer insisted on just saying "banana" over and over again.
Elsewhere on planet daftie, a Scottish Enterprise
spokestube told a conference that Scottish companies should relocate production abroad
where labour costs are cheaper.
We await the news that the whole Scottish Enterprise
operation is to be relocated to New Delhi. |
