| Belying their
profession’s boring image, two Edinburgh accountants pledged this week to spend next
Hogmanay in Antarctica. The intrepid bean counters told the JT: "At that time of
the year we will be faced by winds driving temperatures well below zero in an environment
utterly hostile to human life. So we thought, why don’t we get out of Edinburgh and
go to Antarctica instead?"
But it's not going to be all fun, oh no.
Other members of the expedition aren’t accountants and our two bookkeepers have a
few surprises in store.
"I expect", our source asserted
confidently, "that other expedition members subscribe to the popular myth that
accountants and accountancy are in some sense, punishments sent from God to chastise Man
for sin, leading him to pray for death. Nothing could be further from the truth."
Thus, during the long icy nights, stuck in a tent,
miles from the nearest pub, non-accountant expedition members can expect to endure many a
happy and surprisingly long hour spent watching the slide show : "Standardising
accountancy practices on a European Basis: the problems, the opportunities, the loss of
the will to live."
Historians of previous expeditions to the frozen wastes intend to study the coming
adventure closely, as be-barnacled, salty sea dog, Professor Beaker of Dundee’s
Department of Pointless Sacrifices, now explains:
"In all our studies of Captain Scott’s successful quest to travel 1000s of
miles, suffer terrible privations and die horribly, there’s never been a convincing
explanation of why Captain Oates insisted on leaving the comparative safety of the tent.
Was it heroic self sacrifice or was he just trying to get away from the expedition
accountant?"
Inside: Did Oates really say "I may be
gone some time" ? Or did he in fact say "Not another lecture on the history of
double-entry book keeping! Fuck it, I’ll take my chances with the polar bears" ? |
