"It is indeed fitting that we launch the Conservative Party’s European campaign here in Arbroath. While it might not be entirely clear why we think that re-formulating a medieval document written by Scots to appeal for Papal help against the English into an attack on the contemporary European Union makes any sense, such criticism completely misses the point. We’ve chosen Arbroath, not because of its historical role as the seed-bed of Scottish nationhood, but because so many of our activists live here. And I like to thank the Matron of the Arbroath Home For The Nearly Dead for allowing us to address so many activists stroke residents.

While so-called political analysts see the ageing activist core of Tory support as a problem, we see it as an opportunity.

An opportunity too to take our message into the tenements of Scotland, just a soon as the stair lifts have been put in.

And finally, an opportunity to engage with the youth of our country, with policies relevant to their needs. For who but our activists would support the establishment of a national chain of Youth Clubs For The Promotion of Jitterbugging? Out of touch? I think not.

Let us rise up today, but not too quickly, because your medication, I know, makes you a bit dizzy, and carry forth our message drawing inspiration from the original Declaration. To campaign vigorously for freedom, "for, as long as but a hundred of us remain awake."