A report published this
week by the forgery watchdog Federation Against Copyright Theft, paints a disturbing
picture of Scotland as Europe’s counterfeiting capital. The report authors point to
evidence suggesting much of Scotland’s street trade in clothes, jewellery, CDs and
DVDs are pirated copies.A spokesnark told The JT: "Just attend any street market
in Scotland, you’ll find pirated copies of the latest cinema releases, months before
they are due on DVD."
But The JT’s own investigations found evidence of more disturbing developments. At
The Barras in Glasgow, traders were blatantly selling DVDs of movies that hadn’t been
made yet. For a fiver each, we picked up copies of :
- Spielberg’s 2006 masterpiece "ET - The Return" with Robin Cook guesting
as the alien’s hideously deformed twin.
- Scorsese’s 2007 reworking of "Whisky Galore" featuring the same couthy
humour as the original but this time with more gratuitous violence as rival gangs rather
pointlessly battle over a cargo-load of Evian Water bound for California.
- John Woo’s seminal 2009 opus : "Piss/aff." Violence erupts the
Easterhouse Post Office when staff try to shut for lunch on Giro day…
- In 2010, Bill Murray reprises his 2004 hit "Lost in Translation" but this time
the cultural incomprehension related comedy takes place on the Edinburgh-Glasgow shuttle
when hapless Bill gets stuck sitting to Wendy Alexander who insists on quacking on about
"cognate skills sets" . Bill loses will to live, dies.
We presented our findings to FM Jack McConnell who said : "Your investigations
highlight the need to employ a multi-agency approach in dealing with the evils of
counterfeiting. Bzz, blip, zzzzzzzz." he concluded, head lolling forward, as the
batteries ran out.
