| Glasgow’s links
with LA were cut cruelly asunder this week when US intelligence sources reported a
credible threat to the safety of the weekly flight. In that vague, yet slightly
threatening way the US spooks report supposed terrorist activity, they spoke of
"internet traffic" pointing to an attack this weekend. The inevitable
cancellation follows similar problems for BA and Air France, where the airlines have been
forced to cancel specific flights to the US.
Professor Paul Wilkinson, of St.Andrew’s Department of Shifty Looking Foreigner
Studies was wheeled out by BBC Online to explain the logic of the US advice. He told BBC
Online (honest , he did) that: "Flight cancellations are exceptional measures.
America is convinced there was a threat to flights bound for the US in early January -
that threat has not been eradicated."
The logic behind this statement is
presumably that the intending terrorists have only got super apex tickets that they
can’t just transfer over to another flight. Thus, security services should be staking
out airport ticketing desks looking for foreigner types asking for refunds.
Contacted for comment, the JT’s resident five
year old presented an alternative explanation which made as much sense as academic
attempts to shoe-horn political expediency into a rational framework: "Having closely
monitored US internet traffic over the last few months, filtering out the porn and willy
stretching emails, I think we can safely conclude that the terrorist alerts are the work
of the US Department of Homeland Insecurity prior to the upcoming presidential election.
"
Meanwhile, back in the UK, as the fallout from the Hutton Report continues, ex-BBC
supremo Greg Dyke announced plans this week to cover the bits the Hutton report left out.
In typically acerbic style, the planned opus will only run to one sentence: "Tony
Blair: Bush’s bitch or what?" |
