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| "All
anti-globalisation protests to end at 10pm prompt" |
It was reported this
week that Edinburgh’s tourism chiefs are targeting anti-G8 protestors coming to the
city in July with a range of accommodation and short break packages. Anarchists like to
protest about repression and authoritarianism, well, as this list of rules in your average
Edinburgh B&B shows the poor bastards don’t know the half of it…Rules of The "You’ll
have had your freedom of expression" Guest House.
Guests are reminded that all workshop
discussions on anti-poverty strategies must be concluded before Eastenders comes on.
Vegetarians and vegans are catered for - full Scottish breakfasts are primarily made
from vegetarian mammals.
Spray paint cans, tear gas canisters and banner making equipment must be left in the
front lobby.
Guests are reminded to vacate the premises by 9am prompt each day, please do not unfurl
black flags or don balaclavas until you’re well away from the guest house, as such
behaviour lowers the tone.
Tea making facilities are available in the rooms. Please do not attempt to infuse
foreign muck like Lapsang – whatever it's called as the kettle will refuse to work.
The biscuits have already been counted.
Showers? What? Do you people actually wash?
Sniggering at the landlady’s tastes in chintzy furnishing will not be tolerated.
A copy of The Guardian is available for perusal at the local police station after
finger-printing.
No visitors of either sex in guests rooms after 9pm. We know what you lefties are
like…
Just give up. Resistance is futile.
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| Inside: All of which,
that for some reason, reminds me of the Puritan prostitute who used to approach potential
customers with the question: "Looking for a thoroughly miserable time dearie?" |
February 2005
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