In what is widely being
seen as a really good way of cutting congestion on Scotland’s busiest road bridge,
managers at The Forth Bridge announced this week the installation of sensors on the
structure’s cables. A spokesgirder for the management told the JT:
"We’re slightly concerned about the process of corrosion on the cables, which
effectively hold the road bed up. But can I assure our customers that there’s
absolutely nothing to worry about. Probably."
The bridge, which carries gazillions of vehicles a day, mainly people from Fife seeking
the trappings of civilisation, like electric light and Smarties, is in no way, managers
insist, getting a bit bendy.
"While original traffic forecasts, back in the 1960s, predicting that the bridge
would carry the odd horse and cart, have proved a bit on the low side, theirs is no need
for concern. Drivers should simply take the usual precautions before using the bridge, for
example making sure their life insurance covers plunging 150 feet into the cold,
unforgiving waters of The Forth and ensuring that any persistent emotional issues with
loved ones are resolved before setting out. I mean, you don’t want to go to your
death without knowing that you haven’t left a legacy of bitterness do you?"
It is thought that traffic levels on the bridge will now fall significantly as drivers
find alternative routes. Those drivers still prepared to essay the journey are expected to
simply speed across the structure at 80mph with their eyes tight shut while intoning :
"Mammy, Daddy! Mammy, Daddy! Oh please God, gonnae gie us a break?" etc.
