| The news that Edinburgh Zoo is to spend 5m quid on a new chimps' enclosure
has been met with ingratitude from at least one quarter - the chimps themselves. Pausing only to peruse a map of Africa and sigh wistfully, the alpha-male of
the Edinburgh troop told The JT :"Given the level of homelessness affecting our
human cousins in this city, we would ask that the money be spent building shelters for
these, our near relatives instead."
|
The chummy chimp insisted that his troop were perfectly happy with their
current accommodation but did ask for few additions to make life behind bars more
tolerable. "Spending all day being stared at by slack-jawed morons can prove rather
stressful but an exercise horse placed in our exercise area would allow us to reduce
anxiety." Mindful as well of the
need to exercise the mind as well as the body, the polite primate also asked that the
keepers provide books, |
"We’re
especially interested in a book titled Digging Escape Tunnels: a simian guide."
Otherwise quite content with current accommodation arrangements, the spokesimian
did ask for the loan of equipment to aid in keeping the chimps’ enclosure tidy.
"There’s a bit of the enclosure that’s really cobwebby, if we just had a
loan of say, a forty foot extending ladder we could clean that bit ourselves. Thus easing
the workload of our hard-pressed prison warders. Sorry, I’m meant to say,
keepers." |
