| Plans to expand the remit of the style Scottish Drugs Enforcement
Agency were thrown into doubt this week as clothing experts questioned the design
implications of adding more letters to the existing name. While there had been disquiet
raised that the new body, to be called The Scottish Crime and Drugs Enforcement Agency,
would be manned and managed, FBI-style, outside the existing structure of Scottish
policing, the really important issue was raised by uniform supplier Hector McNylonJaiket:
|
"The design-conscious management of the existing agency have
asked to quote for supply of those really cool raid jackets the FBI wear with the initials
on the back. We might’ve managed to stencil on the initials "SDEA" at a
push, but that extra word "Crime" would be too tricky to render as
"SCDEA". 
I mean look at it. You’d never
get "SCDEA" on there would you? It would just look stupid. |
We’d either have
to make the type face so totty that people wouldn’t be able to read it, or one of the
letters would end up under the wearer’s oxter and that would just look stupid." It
is thought that the controversy will not dissuade the current head of the SDEA from his
current, tiresome practice of enlivening public pronouncements with references to
"The Clear and Present Danger" presented by the drug trade. By borrowing the
titles from über-bore Tom Clancy’s novels, the agency head thus reinforces his
dead-butch, flinty-eyed, defender of freedom credentials. Or so he thinks. |
