| Campaigners fighting poverty in
Scotland agreed this week that past attempts to prioritise the issue to attract extra
funding have been misplaced. A spokespauper told the JT: "In the past we've sweated
buckets producing statistics on the grim realities of life facing many Scottish families
struggling to survive on or near the poverty line. Bugger that for a game of soldiers,
from now on we'll just copy the tactics used by the farming industry." Lobbyists
for the poor confirmed that the new campaign will centre on the repeated use of the term
"Food in Mouth Crisis" as in the shortage of one making its way into the other.
"From now on when we're trying to get unlimited scads of dosh from the politicians
we'll just use that phrase. If we say it fast enough, they'll panic and dole out masses of
cash, no questions asked" a relieved poor person told the JT. |
Professor Beaker of Edinburgh's
Public Ethics Department conceded that the tactic seemed "a bit underhand" but
conceded that in the present climate its use on behalf of the malnourished should be
considered acceptable. "Let's face it, when it comes to getting access to mucho moola
using a phrase that sounds a bit like you know what is bound to pay dividends." Residents
in Scotland's most deprived areas can now look forward to daily airdrops of bundles of
cash and will live lives of undreamt of luxury without having to do any work for it - just
like the home life of our own dear Queen.. |
