| Following criticism of The
Scotsman' s Edinburgh Fringe coverage, SkyNeil, the massive supercomputer responsible for
all editorial production at the paper, was reported to be furious. As previously reported
in the JT, SkyNeil is capable of massive destruction, recently destroying The Herald's
Albion street base in a escalation of the current circulation wars. In Southern France, where SkyNeil owns a holiday home, locals were reported
leaving the area, terrified. An eye-witness reports that the roof of the house slid to one
side, just like in Thunderbirds, and strange coppery filaments not unlike human hair began
to wave about. Professor Beaker of Edinburgh's Megalomania Studies department confessed to
be worried by the development :"I confess I'm worried by this development" he
told the JT.
"Such is SkyNeil's need to feed his ego, that any
criticism ventured by lesser mortals, or scum as Skyneil terms them, could set off the
supercomputer's terrifying destructive powers. Frankly, I'm crapping myself." |
Back in Edinburgh, lower order
drones at The Scotsman were quick to point out that the paper had indeed covered festival
productions but not those involving "marxist trapeze artists". Reviews have included:
- Andrew Neil-he's a sex machine ("a triumph " The
Scotsman)
- Why I'm proud to be North British ("A norton" as
above)
- Journalists? Who needs them? ( "a kawasaki" as
above).
As the world's great minds struggled to understand why
SkyNeil had taken the hump against the festival, Hector the Hamster from Inversnaid
offered this judgement to the JT.
" It's easy. Look. Baldy guy, OK? What do baldy guys no'
have? That's right, a Fringe! So, he doesn't want anyone else to have one…Simple is
it no?" |
