| Celtic's continuing protest at the
future run of Sunday- only fixtures received support from a totally expected source. A
spokespriest for the Archdiocese complained that, in consequence, the Deity would probably
not be available to attend Parkhead when the League title is conferred on the club. "We
say this in a spirit of Christian brotherhood, but come on, it’s a masonic plot isn't
it?"
The attractively costumed cleric told the JT: "It's a complete pain in the
arse to be frank. Sunday's the one day of the week when the whole of the Catholic Church
management is either working in organised God-bothering sessions or on call to administer
last rites and all that other bollocks."
The Catholic hierarchy is undertaking urgent talks
with other faith-based organisations to see if its statutory God-bothering contract might
be subbed out. |
"The Jews and the Muslims
might be able to help out", the perturbed priest mused, "it depends on how they
feel about working a Sunday shift after grafting over the rest of the weekend." In
any case, The Lord of All Creation has confirmed that he will not be in attendance at
Parkhead: "There's been a lot of prayer traffic on the topic this week",
Humanity's Saviour went on, "but my diary's completely full and in any case I'm not
that fussed, to be honest."
God is concerned that his other worldly appearance at Parkhead accompanied by
angels tootling attractively on trumpets might send out the wrong PR message, "In
terms of the two main franchises for the Christian market in Scotland, I have to remain
impartial, although given the mess that organised religion has made of getting the
corporate message across I might be looking for other representation - is this Sophie
wifey any good?" |
